I think its very important to name your baby. It gives a name to your connection, it gives you a name to grieve for. It gives you something to hold on to.
Depending on when you experienced your loss, and other factors, you may or may not know the gender of your angel. If you don't know the gender, which seems to be the most common situation, and you still want to name your baby, here are some ideas:
Pick a unisex name. You can go to a baby naming website and narrow down the search to unisex names. Baby naming websites are great because they also include meanings of the names. Picking a meaningful name can be very important.
Another option is to pick a non-traditional name. With their miscarriage, the Duggar family picked the name Jubilee Shalom. Its not a name they might have picked had she survived, but its packed with meaning and its beautiful. If you are outdoorsy, maybe a name like River or Willow. Perhaps the name of a meaningful location or item. Look to words in foreign languages. With our first loss, we decided on the name Seraphim, which means "angel" in Latin.
Sometimes you have an intuition about the gender. Mothers usually do, but sometimes fathers do too. Often other family members, parents, grandparents, siblings, even close friends can have gender intuition as well. If you experience this, my advice is GO WITH IT. I never really had any intuition with my first three pregnancies, but with my fourth the moment I saw that positive test I knew she was a girl. I knew even before I got the positive pregnancy test. A couple days before I took the test I knew I was pregnant and I knew it was a girl. My husband, who is not a big believer in intuition, even said to me early on he thought it was a girl. When I told my sister I was expecting, she responded without pause, "Its a girl."
So, even though I have no way of knowing, I decided to go with my intuition and began planning a memorial for my sweet baby girl.
We all have baby names picked out, and of course when you find out you're expecting that's one of the first things on your mind. When you lose your pregnancy, you have to decide if you are going to use the names you picked or not. There's no right or wrong answer to that question. Its something to consider when you are discussing names with your partner. For us, the perfect name came quickly. We have always wanted our girls to have flower names, Aster, Rose, Lavender, but our mutual favorite is Lily. We struggled with middle names, but in a very tender pillow talk conversion we stumbled on it. Lily was conceived the night of a Clutch concert. Clutch is my husband's all time favorite band. That day coincided with the release of their new album, Earth Rocker. One of the songs on the album is titled, 'Oh Isabella'. So her name was chosen:
Lily Isabella
Naming your angel is a very special, bittersweet process. The name of your lost little one will be tattooed on the hole in your heart that they left. But picking a name, and losing a pregnancy, are very similar to the process of having a tattoo done. Initially, it is excruciating. There are moments when you think you can't take the pain anymore. After, you apply balm to your wound. It soothes a little, but doesn't take the pain completely away. It continues to ache, but the pain gradually fades away. Eventually, it doesn't hurt anymore, but that mark is imprinted on you. Permanently. A testament to your pain.
Please comment and share the name you picked for your angel and why, or if you have any tips for other angel moms and dads looking for the perfect name for their little one. Did you find that naming your angel helped? If you want to talk to me, share your story privately, ask me questions, or just talk, please email me - miscarriagememorial@gmail.com
